So I don't know if I could call myself a blogger. At least not now. Roughly two years later and I've decided to come back here and post some thoughts. So what took me so long? Did I give up? Did something take over all of my time and energy?
In the last three years, I've gone from making the decision to leave Japan (after four years living in the middle of a beautiful nowhere and working as an Assistant English teacher at a junior high and high school) in order to settle back in Canada, to...well...right back to where I started.
I once declared to the world and to myself that I would never work as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) in Japan again after my first round. And who could blame me?
ALTs in Japan are often frustrated by their unclear role in the classroom. They are frustrated by the overwhelming amount of Japanese used by Japanese Teachers of English (JTEs) during "English classes." And they may be frustrated that no matter how hard they try to start a revolution...they end up alone. Their suggestions are shot down. They are not seen as real teachers, but rather human tape recorders, called upon by Japanese teachers to "model correct pronunciation" of English words. And while I am referring to this group of disgruntled foreigners in Japan as "they," I do in fact also mean "me." I'm in that group, too.
Do I have any right to be bitter? No, not really. I knew what I was getting into. At least this time I did. Perhaps a little. But maybe I imagined that living in a totally different region and working not under the JET Program(me), but as a direct hire with multiple other ALTs, things in fact WOULD be different. But that's besides the point now.
For any of us in any situation- no matter how rough or unfair it seems- we can't feel sorry for ourselves. We can't ask for pity. There are a thousand different things I could be doing with this situation to make the most of it. In my case, I'm only doing about five of those things. And honestly, it's taken me too long to get to this point. Let me explain.
1.) In each class I join, even as an assistant who has no power to call the shots (the JTE does that), I observe the teacher's teaching style and take note of what works, as well as what doesn't work. I'm doing my research.
2.) I study Japanese. The teachers speak enough of it in class, so I'm shadowing what they say (quietly) and writing it down when I can.
3.) If I am called on to be the "human tape recorder," I will strive to be the best human tape recorder. Students will FEEL the words I speak.
4.) With my free time, I'm developing my own English teaching materials, both for lessons at school and future lessons I plan to give.
5.) I am not defining myself by this role. I am not waiting for other people to value me in my role anymore. I am valuing myself. As a result, the people who have eyes for it will see that value in me as well. And for those who never see it: it doesn't matter. If we live to please everyone, we will never find who we really are.
One thing I can say about my work is that it's made me look a lot more deeply into myself. Still a lot of questions to answer. But if we never push any buttons, we may not see what they do. They could open up to a hidden room full of tools we couldn't even imagine existing. Tools of the mind and soul.
Learning the road. Mapping it out. Moving forward.
No comments:
Post a Comment